Controlling Dad?

[onixdream]

Controlling Dad?

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Problem: know a girl who is controlled by her extremely right winged Christian father. She attends college on 100% Scholarship but the old-man makes her come home every weekend, and call him when she goes out to college parties.

One day she commented on how she wish her father wasn't like this; she wish she had independence. However, shes too afraid to rebel or lie....I guess the Her Holy Bible says she will go to hell.

I told her I would rebel but then again I never did that thinking I would go to hell.

Any of you guys have any advice for her?



You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain - Bob Dylan

[Hybrix]

Well if she has 100% scholarship then I guess she can do whatever she wants while she's gone... That being said she could easily cut herself off from her family by doing so. For example, who will pay for her wedding if she needs money for that, etc.

Kind of makes sense not to bite the hand that feeds you. It's easy to say "down with parents" etc, but in the end they can just as easily tell her to not bother showing up if she ever is in trouble.

Going home every weekend is pretty strict though. She should have gone to a college further away if she didn't want to go home very often.

[00vega]

If a mother/father really loves their son/daughter, they will allow them to live their own lives and make their own personal choices and not use any material means or violations of life-provision commitments as an excuse to control them. I don't care how deep the commitments go, if the parents are controlling then it is not worth it. The female friend needs to sit down with her parents and explain to them what real love is [apart from what they believe according to their religion]. If they can't accept that, then she should leave them forever and end it.

[savonius]

Seems like the girl has an over protective father who may not realise that his daughter has to grow up sooner or later.His behaviour towards her will only result in driving her away.Perhaps a letter from the girl to her father would enable her to explain that she is an individual who needs her own space and freedom.If her father really loves her he will understand and relax his constraints on her life.
It is good however to know that she has a friend in whom she can confide-support her and help her through this with the minimum of upset,you are a good friend.
Good luck.

[DaStevez]

Not only does he need to let his daughter move on, it almost seems like he is being blinded by his own faith and it is keeping him from doing so. He is doing what he thinks his religion is saying he should do in raising his child.

[00vega]

Yes, that cycle must be broken at all costs. Religious control is no better than any other thing that affects one's life.

[Easily-Amused]

and i thought i had a controlling mother... and i have a tendency to rebel.

i dont know the details, but from the way you are typing, i kind of sounds like she'll be excommunicated if she rebels.
its her choice more than anyones.

[Bjarki]

I guess my advice is that she tries to prove to her dad that she is capable of taking responsibility herself. Rebelling isn't a very good answer cause it will only cause trouble with her dad and probably have a negative effect on her own life as well (being successful is a bad way of rebelling...). If she wants him to stop interfering with her life she needs to show that there is no need to worry.

A good way for her to accomplish this is by using good communication that shows that she is in control of her life and that she (tries) to do what's best for her. She won't get very far with simply saying 'Yes dad' or 'No dad'.. she needs to show that nobody needs to tell her what and what is not good for her.. She needs to say things such as "I'm going to a party to have a good time and make friends, but don't worry I will go to bed early so that I can pay good attention in class tomorrow morning".. This way she shows that if she is confronted with a 'choice' she will know what to do and make the correct choice... even in his absence. This makes it unnecessary for him to check up on her any longer.
After a while he will get this and leave her to do as she likes (her heart will tell her exactly what is good and what is wrong, no need to fear 'hell').