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Dealing with dishonest friend

  • April 24th, 2008 @ 08:46 AM
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I am in my late 30's, and my wife and I have a group of friends we enjoy being with. All are long-time friends - some were in our wedding. One of these friends has always been known by all of us to be dishonest and a bit self absorbed. We sometimes joke about his ego and the snake-ish things he does on occasion.

One time we all caught him in a lie/dishonest act, but since we were out having a good time, we didn't bring it up. One of my other friends came to me and said she couldn't believe how he acts, but then said it's probably best not to make a big deal out of it since it will dampen things. I was shocked by what he did but followed my friend's logic and said nothing.

For years I've gotten better at accepting people for their differences, But recently this friend of mine has done some more dishonest acts that more directly impact me. He's been a long-time friend, and I've talked to him before about smaller instances of where he is not "on the level".

I am at a point now where I wonder if I should keep friends like this. He lied so bad this time that I don't feel confronting him will do any good.

As I get older, my standards have definitely stiffened up. I don't like people playing me and admittedly, I have a hard time letting things slide. My fear is that if I start cutting my ties to friends, my circle of friends will shrink to nothing. With a wife and kids now, I treasure the social circle I have. I know people aren't perfect, but I fear my standards are going to cut me off from the world.

Do I disconnect from these people? Or re-examine my standards?

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Reply Posted: April 24th, 2008 @ 08:56 AM
I'm not sure why this is even a question? Why would you want to associate with someone like this? Not only are you subjecting yourself to a lesser person, but you have kids to think about as well.
Who cares if you end up with no friends? What's more important? Hanging around with a liar, or feeling good about yourself at the end of the day?
It's a no-brainer if you ask me.


Reply Posted: April 24th, 2008 @ 09:06 AM
Why would you want to associate yourself with someone that has lied so much it's making you ask this question? If they impact you then you're wasting your time with this person.
You say you're worried about losing friends because of this but surely you can see that they wouldn't be real friends if that happened.


Reply Posted: April 24th, 2008 @ 09:08 AM
I'm with angels. Cut him out. It's a no-brainer.

I recently cut out a friend for the same reason. She and I were quite close, I met her online and she lives in another state but we still have the same circle of friends, albeit through an online community. A few of us had suspected for some time that she makes stuff up to get attention, but the last lie she told me really crossed a line and quite frankly I was insulted that someone who claimed to be my friend would drag me in to her drama based on a real whopper of a lie.

There haven't been any negative consequences as a result.


Reply Posted: April 24th, 2008 @ 09:15 AM
Thanks for your responses. We're all a tight-nit circle, and that makes it tough for me to cut just this one person. I have definitely gotten less tolerant than my friends, so it will be my choice I guess.


Reply Posted: April 24th, 2008 @ 09:26 AM
Are we friends with the same person? I've known this guy since 7th grade and he's always been a liar. I've tried distancing myself from him, but it's impossible since we have the same group of friends. Oh well. I don't really take anything he says seriously.


Reply Posted: April 24th, 2008 @ 09:36 AM
I agree with Angel totally. Why put up and tolerate people?

It may be hard to dump a long-term friend, but in the long run it's worth it.


Reply Posted: April 24th, 2008 @ 09:39 AM
Originally Posted by viLky View Post
It may be hard to dump a long-term friend, but in the long run it's worth it.
How do you dump a friend that you're guaranteed to see frequently? I don't want to give up all my friends just because of one person.


Reply Posted: April 24th, 2008 @ 09:43 AM
Can't you and your friends try one of these two ideas:

1) Gather your friends together and discuss this "problem" friend. See if you can help him out in order for him to stop putting you guys through all this drama.

2) Gather your friends again and decide to cut this "problem" friend out of the equasion and don't associate with him any longer.




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