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Reply Posted: January 17th, 2011 @ 04:47 PM
Two of my close friends dated on and off four about six years. The girl was a really good friend of mine, but the guy is one of my best friends. I stopped talking to the girl for a while which was stupid on my part but we've worked things out and now we're good friends once again.

Reply Posted: January 17th, 2011 @ 05:28 PM
If they broke up civily then there shouldn't be an issue to hangout with the both of them. The only downside is that you might hear two completely sides of the break up. They also may tell you secrets that you may not want to know about and that could be a bummer, but I would hang out with both of them. Maybe overtime everybody can hang out in the same place once again.

Reply Posted: January 18th, 2011 @ 04:02 PM
I've actually never had this happen since most of my good friends are guys, and I've never had two of my friends date each other. So typically I'll become friends with the girl after my friend starts dating her, and if they break up then I probably won't have contact with the girl anymore anyway.

Now if this did actually happen between two people I was already friends with, it wouldn't really be fair to get involved or choose sides unless one of them did something that I don't agree with, like cheating.

Reply Posted: January 18th, 2011 @ 04:07 PM
In some cases, as is the case with my recent break-up, choosing sides would have been a necessary evil for all of our mutual friends to have to do. I tried to make it easier on his friends by cutting off all ties to them. That also makes it easier on me to cope with what happened.

If it's possible to not pick sides that is the option I would opt for. They're still your friends and should be treated like a friend.

Reply Posted: January 18th, 2011 @ 04:17 PM
Originally Posted by CuriousGirlSA View Post
We've all had mutual friends who broke up with each other at some stage. What do you do when this happens? Do you pick sides? Do you stay more loyal to the one friend than the other?

My friend recently broke up with her boyfriend of almost a decade. We've all been friends since school (in fact, I dated him before her in school ). I care for both of them and we've all come a long way as friends. So now that they are broken up, should I be picking sides of who I stay friends with, or can there be a friendship with both of them, just not in the same place at the same time?
If you're a rational human being, then it shouldn't bother you.

But if the situation is icky, then it becomes a problem. I'm dealing with this right now personally. My ex has been . . . a bigger problem than I could have ever expected and it has torn my close circle of friends apart. It's making them pick sides since her brilliant idea to cope with her problems is to write me out of her life. One of my friends won't make a move and it's kind of painful, not going to lie because it feels like by remaining neutral, he's condoning her behavior.

So basically, assess the situation. Sometimes, it's hard for people to do because they try to cut the other person away from their lives in order to move on and it may bother them if you're still friends with them. Not for any reason against you, but knowing they still have a link to that person could be hard for them to deal with. So yeah, assess the situation and try to think like the people involved.

Reply Posted: January 19th, 2011 @ 09:46 PM
I am experiencing that myself now. I was recently dumped and he got all the friends. LOL. it sucks but to be fair I met most of them through him and I don't blame them for ditching me out of loyalty to him. the hard part is that he and I are still close friends. we hang out and watch movies, go out to dinner and just chill and his friends can't accept it. I think in that situation you have to just ask both parties what you should do or at the very least explain the situation you have found yourself in and let them give you a solution.

that's all I got.

Reply Posted: January 22nd, 2011 @ 01:56 PM
I didn't pick sides. They're both my friends. Even if someone has really been a jerk, I'll just be honest and say what I feel about it, but then move on since our friendship isn't based on his/her relationship. It might be more difficult though if the friendship was born during the relationship and there's no pre-relationship phase we can go to - it's all new and could be awkward how to deal with them again.

From the other side I notice having close friendships with people introduced to me by my partner. If me and my partner broke up, I don't expect "his friends" to run and comfort me or even still hang out with me. We won't be enemies but I'll let them be a friend first to their original friend. I'll find comfort elsewhere.

Reply Posted: January 22nd, 2011 @ 04:53 PM
We've all had mutual friends who broke up with each other at some stage. What do you do when this happens? Do you pick sides? Do you stay more loyal to the one friend than the other?
I respectfully tell my friends that I can't do more then give them both advice. I would never pick and choose friends over something as petty (from my perspective looking in) as a break up. Obviously the breakup wouldn't be petty for my friends.

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breakups , friends , mutual